I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Oh god it's open bar.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
