I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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