Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i think i just lost a toe
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
