Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
