I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
