Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
