i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
