I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize