I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
