from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
the liver wants what the liver wants
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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