bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
