She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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