thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
