I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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