my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize