you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
