I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize