I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
