Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
