sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I need water and some morals
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
