We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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