We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
