I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
