Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
