Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
