I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
