was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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