I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We're too hungover to prance.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
