how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You took a bar mat shot.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
