My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
