Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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