I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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