the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
