in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
