Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
