i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
