I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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