A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's blow job season.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
