He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
