Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
