i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
