somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He called his prostate his "boner button".
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
