I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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