WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
