did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
