3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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