The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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