well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
