I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
