Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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