my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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