Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
