Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
