ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize