i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
