just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
