The best revenge is premature balding
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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