God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My dick has a subreddit
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
