420 ftw
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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