I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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