I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
