Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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