Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
