my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm always down for nudity.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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