True but thats because hes a fetus.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
