Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
