Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
