I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
