There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
