You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
NoShamevember. You game?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
