What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
