You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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