i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We're too hungover to prance.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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