She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
