I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
