Whoa Z and x make the same sound
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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