her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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