K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
