Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize