Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dicks are not precious.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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