so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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