yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
