She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
