Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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