I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
