Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
