Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
