I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
