some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
