My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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