puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
