with your own penis?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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