I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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