hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
