I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
