and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize