i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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