so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
