Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
